QUANTUM ENERGY HEALING

In this 4 part series, I will demonstrate how to get underneath this common problem of sabotage fueled by guilt and shame.  For the purposes of this series, I will define guilt as the feeling you have when you have done something wrong, and the feeling of shame as more pervasive, a feeling of actually being defective or wrong to your core.

There have been boatloads of complaints and questions about why the Law of Attraction "isn’t working" or "doesn’t work" or even "backfires" when applied in the way it is portrayed in the hit movie, "The Secret."  The Law of Attraction DOES work, and does work all the time.  The problem isn’t the Law of Attraction, the problem is that we have so much resistance and so many levels of negative feelings that our actual focus tends to be on our lack of worthiness, belief that we don’t deserve abundance, or anxiety about success in general.  These are our "tail enders" as Gary would describe it, and they are more powerful than visualization and focusing exercises until we address and neutralize them with EFT.  Strong feelings of guilt and shame get in the way of the Law of Attraction working in your favor, because the Law of Attraction hears your vibration, not your words.

When you feel guilty about something you did or said, or feel ashamed to your core, you don’t feel deserving of success or abundance in your life, no matter what people say or offer you. These feelings are often deep within, and are far more powerful that any "positive thinking" or vision boards.  These "tail enders" (what we really believe) are the culprit and eventually win out.  Law of Attraction is in fact working, you’re getting what you focus on.  In these cases, you’re attracting the louder, more active vibration, and it is often a feeling of guilt, shame or lack of worthiness.

(2) You didn’t do something or say something you could/should have to correct a situation, and you feel guilty and regretful about what you perceive as a blatant "omission" on your part.

(3) You can clearly identify feelings of anger, resentment, or impatience towards a loved one, but more importantly, you feel guilty about having these feelings! And refrain from admitting or expressing them.

(4) You feel guilty for rebelling against authority figures and going with your own gut feelings. Even though you made a choice that was best for you at the time, the authority figure/ spouse/ family member "disapproved" and you still feel guilty.--- translation being you are still punishing yourself.

Why would old feelings of guilt make you sabotage yourself?  Why would you apparently get "nowhere" when you are diligently applying the Law of Attraction exercises you have learned? Because when you feel guilty, you need to punish yourself in order to feel better. You won’t feel right until you "get" the punishment your subconscious mind believes you deserve.  That’s why even people who are given special advantages, handed money or given a new job, tend to sabotage – they don’t feel deserving.  When you feel adequately punished, you can now relax and feel safe because you have less anxiety about "waiting for the other shoe to drop."  Your world feels balanced again.

People come in to my office and workshops and say "I keep sabotaging my success. I don’t know what’s the matter with me…I want abundance, but I keep getting in my own way, even though I’m using the Law of Attraction."  This feeling and life experience, "I keep sabotaging myself" becomes the "tabletop" in Gary’s perfect analogy of how to collapse issues with EFT.  Picture the "tabletop" as the broader more global issue – I’m not successful, or I keep sabotaging myself.   What are the "legs" (beliefs, events, experiences, assumptions and comfort zones) supporting this tabletop?  The table legs always come in the form of specific events that made you believe you aren’t worthy or aren’t deserving.  Sometimes the table legs are limiting beliefs you picked up during your life.

First you need to accept what you did or said and feel the feelings of guilt before you try to neutralize them!  Too often people try to neutralize the guilt when they haven’t dealt with the reality of the situation.  This causes them to dissociate, or become so separated from their emotions, they can’t access them to clear them with EFT. I always tell my clients you can’t neutralize something you don’t feel.  This is why we need to be tuned in to our emotional issue for EFT to be effective.

Start on the karate chop point:

(The above examples are just guidelines.  I encourage you to be as specific as possible in order to collapse the guilt, for example, "Even though I feel guilty for telling her she wasn’t my friend…Even though I feel guilty for hurting him by rejecting him…Even though I feel guilty for telling her secret to others…")

EYEBROW:  I feel so guilty.

SIDE OF EYE: I should feel guilty.

UNDER EYE: I feel so guilty for what I did.

NOSE: I blame myself because it was entirely my fault.

CHIN: It’s my fault.

COLLARBONE: I am to blame.

UNDER ARM: I should feel guilty.

HEAD: I am guilty for what happened

EYEBROW:  I was doing the best I could.

SIDE OF EYE: I’m embarrassed about it.

UNDER EYE: I wasn’t trying to be mean but it looked that way.

NOSE: I blame myself and always will.

CHIN: It’s my fault.

COLLARBONE: I was just being immature.

UNDER ARM: But I shouldn’t have done it.

HEAD: I feel guilty and I appreciate my feelings.

In part 2 of this series on guilt and shame, I will be discussing and hopefully helping you collapse the guilt you have over things you did NOT do or did NOT say to correct a situation.  Feeling guilty about something you didn’t do or say can be as powerful and crippling as having said or done something you regret.

Remember, these feelings may not be overwhelming or terribly "loud" in your consciousness.  But if you are one of those people scratching your head wondering why the Law of Attraction doesn’t work for you, I encourage you to identify and neutralize these issues around guilt. To get the Law of Attraction pointed in the right direction for you, you need to first clear the blocks and resistance you have to receiving abundance. Until then, there will be no room for the positive manifestations.

You might wish to write a list of your sabotage behaviors, notice when they happen, how easily they happen, and how baffled you are about their reoccurrence.  It could be eye-opening!  On the one hand, you claim, "I do want abundance" and yet your behavior shows that you clearly aren’t in alignment or ready to accept/ embrace abundance when it’s offered to you.  Maybe you practice one of the recommended exercises to hasten manifesting your desires through Law of Attraction, and yet, nothing changes in your life, no good comes of it.  This is another form of sabotage…you then get to tell the world, "see, nothing works for me!"

Again, ask yourself the questions I posed in part 1 of this series:

Karate chop point: Even though I should have corrected their impressions, and I didn’t, I deeply and completely love and accept myself anyway…Even though I feel guilty for not correcting the situation, I accept who I am and what happened in the past…Even though I haven’t been able to forgive myself for what I left out, I accept and love myself anyway.

EYEBROW:  I feel so guilty for staying quiet.

SIDE OF EYE: I feel so guilty that I didn’t correct him/her.

UNDER EYE: I feel so guilty on a deep level.

NOSE: I did it on purpose.

CHIN: I don’t deserve to have all that I want.

COLLARBONE: I am taking the punishment I deserve.

UNDER ARM: I should feel guilty, I deserve it.

HEAD: I feel guilty and it’s too late.

EYEBROW:  I feel so guilty, and can’t get over it.

SIDE OF EYE: What if I forgave myself?

UNDER EYE: What if I didn’t?

NOSE: I still feel guilty, and I accept that.

CHIN: I accept what I did back then.

COLLARBONE: I am so relieved I have changed.

UNDER ARM: I would do it differently now.

HEAD: I am willing to release some of this guilt.

Karate chop point: Even though I still have some of this remaining guilt, I choose to accept and appreciate who I am right now…Even though I still have some guilt about what I held back, I accept who I am and how I feel…Even though I still blame myself because I didn’t tell the truth, I am going to consider letting some of this guilt go.

EYEBROW:  I am going to consider releasing some of this guilt.

SIDE OF EYE: It was a long time ago.

UNDER EYE: I feel so sorry about what I didn’t say/do.

NOSE: I am older and wiser now.

CHIN: I have punished myself long enough.

COLLARBONE: It’s time to let go even if I don’t fully forgive myself yet.

UNDER ARM: I appreciate the situation and am ready to move on.

HEAD: I am worthy of abundance even though I didn’t say what I should have said.

EYEBROW:  I feel ready to get over this problem.

SIDE OF EYE: I know it’s time.

UNDER EYE: I’m using the guilt to punish myself.

NOSE: I am afraid of moving ahead.

CHIN: I’m using the guilt for the wrong reasons.

COLLARBONE: I am ready to let go.

UNDER ARM: I should feel guilty, shouldn’t I?

HEAD: It’s time to let go and appreciate who I am right now.

There is a common fear that the act of forgiving someone (or yourself) equates to "letting them off the hook."  This topic always surfaces in workshops and internally. If I forgive myself, does that make it ok? If I forgive myself, will I do it again? If I forgive him, does that give him permission to hurt someone else? I always hear students say they are afraid to forgive themselves, as it doesn’t seem "right."  This feeling continues the cycle of punishment.

EYEBROW:  I feel so guilty, how could I forgive myself?

SIDE OF EYE: I have felt guilty long enough.

UNDER EYE: It’s over now and I want to move on.

NOSE: The guilt isn’t doing anyone any good!

CHIN: I choose to release my guilt.

COLLARBONE: I am older and wiser and appreciate why I did what I did.

UNDER ARM: It’s time to let this go now.

HEAD: I do deserve success and abundance in my life, no matter what.

Do as many rounds of EFT on your guilts as necessary to reduce the intensity level and allow peace into your life after all these years.

Stay tuned for parts 3 and 4 of this article on how to neutralize and release additional feelings of guilt and shame that block your allowing success and abundance into your life.

Since we are human, we all have millions of feelings a day.  Sometimes our feelings are blown out of proportion because of the writings on our walls, sometimes they aren’t.  The point is, we won’t heal if we aren’t allowed to express our feelings and accept them first, before we try to make any changes.  This is the incredible beauty of EFT --- we are encouraged to accept every emotion we feel rather than trying to get rid of them.  Again, this is one of the reasons the Law of Attraction backfires or apparently doesn’t work for so many people.  They have somehow interpreted it as "ignoring or denying" real emotions, and in their effort to run from or pretend they don’t have them, these emotions are in fact strengthened.

Considering the topic of how guilt and shame block the Law of Attraction, can you see why it doesn’t "work" for you if you are harboring deep-seated anger towards someone but won’t even let yourself feel it?  These feelings are literally "vibrating" in your body, and you are sending these signals to the Universe, even while you are trying to be "positive" or work with your vision board.  Maybe you write or recite your daily gratitude list, while reviewing another list of wrongs in your head…this "other list" will win.

I have a client who is angry and frustrated about her 6 year old who is mildly learning disabled.  The child is acting out in school and is causing a lot of chaos at home.  The mother feels so guilty about being angry at her little girl, ("it’s not her fault that she doesn’t learn as quickly as the others") that she refuses to discipline her around the house, gives her many advantages over the other siblings, spoils her, and stuffs her own legitimate feelings of impatience.  In other words, this mother’s genuine feelings need to be expressed somewhere, but her overwhelming guilt about even having negative feelings in the first place stops her in her tracks.  Neighbors and other family members have pointed out how she seems to go out of her way to let this child get "extras" and get away with certain behaviors that the other kids don’t, but my client was unable to see it because she didn’t want to admit her real emotions of anger and frustration.

Karate chop point: Even though I feel so angry because I feel manipulated, but I’m not supposed to feel this way towards my kids, I choose to love and accept myself anyway…Even though I’m angry but don’t know where to put it, I accept and appreciate who I am…Even though I feel guilty for being angry towards my child, I accept that these are my real feelings…

EYEBROW:  I feel so angry.

SIDE OF EYE: I feel so guilty for being angry.

UNDER EYE: I’m not supposed to be angry with her.

NOSE: I’m not allowed to feel angry, I could get into trouble.

CHIN: I don’t want to be angry.

COLLARBONE: I can’t help it, it keeps coming out.

UNDER ARM: I should feel guilty for being angry.

HEAD: I am trying not to feel my feelings.

EYEBROW:  I feel guilty for feeling this anger at her.

SIDE OF EYE: I don’t think I should have these feelings.

UNDER EYE: I feel so angry though, what do I do with it?

NOSE: I want to get over it.

CHIN: I’m afraid to express it.

COLLARBONE: I am trying to ignore it but it won’t go away.

UNDER ARM: I should feel guilty for having these feelings.

HEAD: I am going to pretend I don’t have them.

Karate chop point: Even though I feel guilty for having these feelings, I choose to accept them anyway…Even though I’m afraid of what I might do with these feelings, I accept who I am and how I feel…Even though I’ve never been allowed to express these feelings, I choose to express them safely now.

EYEBROW:  I feel so angry and it’s ok.

SIDE OF EYE: I feel so angry and it’s time to let it out.

UNDER EYE: I feel guilty feeling angry.

NOSE: I could get into trouble, but I still need to express my feelings.

CHIN: I don’t want to be angry any more.

COLLARBONE: I choose to accept myself even though I’m angry.

UNDER ARM: I still feel guilty for being angry.

HEAD: But I need to express my feelings anyway.

EYEBROW:  I finally feel free enough to express my anger.

SIDE OF EYE: I appreciate these feelings for the first time in my life.

UNDER EYE: I didn’t realize I could just express these feelings.

NOSE: I can release some of my guilt.

CHIN: I’m ready to release my guilt about these feelings of anger.

COLLARBONE: I am angry and that’s ok.

UNDER ARM: I release the guilt about these feelings.

HEAD: I am allowed to feel ALL my feelings.

Stay tuned for part 4 of this article on How Guilt and Shame Block The Law of Attraction.

Being punished for saying "no" can stay lodged in your energy system, coming out years or even decades later in the form of sabotage.  Maybe you are following and using the powerful principles of the Law of Attraction, but they never seem to work for you.  Consider the possibility that your success might scare you and bring you "trouble" or that standing up for yourself so many years ago still makes you feel guilty, and you are punishing yourself by blocking your abundance or health.

Karate chop point: Even though I shouldn’t have said no, she was so mad, I deeply and completely love and accept myself anyway…Even though I got into trouble when I said no, and I’ve been punishing myself ever since, I accept who I am right now…Even though I was punished for saying no, I accept who I am and how I feel about the incident.

EYEBROW:  I feel guilty for saying no.

SIDE OF EYE: I had to say no.

UNDER EYE: No I didn’t.

NOSE: I shouldn’t have said no.

CHIN: It was bad to disobey her.

COLLARBONE: I feel so guilty.

UNDER ARM: I should feel guilty.

HEAD: I am still punishing myself.

EYEBROW:  I feel like a bad person.

SIDE OF EYE: Other people did what she said, why couldn’t I?

UNDER EYE: I feel so guilty.

NOSE: I should have said yes.

CHIN: I should have done what everyone else did.

COLLARBONE: I still feel guilty and it was years ago.

UNDER ARM: I don’t want to carry this around.

HEAD: I did what I thought was right and I got into trouble.

Often, saying no was truly in alignment with what was right for you, but if a teacher, coach, parent, or supervisor is somehow threatened by it, there might have been unfair or terrible consequences for you.  A client of mine  didn’t comply with outrageous requests from his boss who was engaged in unethical practices.  He suffered for years on the job as a result.  Even though he maintained his integrity, he felt he got punished for "saying no."

No child is ever born feeling deeply ashamed even if it is in their parents’ cells.  We are taught energetically how to feel ashamed of ourselves by our caretakers and the events and circumstances in our life.  Sometimes the lesson comes through abuse, sometimes through words, looks in the eye, circumstances that couldn’t be prevented, or other issues.  But we never start out feeling ashamed for who we are as tiny babies.

Shame is harder to identify than guilt because it is a more pervasive feeling.  It’s a bit like the difference between generalized anxiety about life – you can’t quite put your finger on the cause -- rather than specific anxiety about an upcoming meeting or speech.  If you feel guilty because you broke your mother’s favorite dish, you can identify the cause of the problem, and therefore address it.  Shame means YOU ARE THE PROBLEM, not something you did.

How does this get in the way of using Law of Attraction to your advantage?  When you feel ashamed, you are convinced in every cell in your body that you don’t deserve success and abundance in any area of your life.  So even though you use visualization, written exercises, vision boards etc, it seems to backfire and you end up right where you started.  That’s because the "tail enders" (The truth is I’m NOT good enough, I really DON’T deserve more, I should be punished) are so powerful, they cancel out your momentary positive feelings or your temporary clear focus on what you want.  While you are focusing on a beautiful house, the subtext is "Who am I kidding, I don’t deserve it and I’ll never get it!"

(3)  What evidence do I have that I am no good?

(5)  How do I know I’m not deserving yet others are?

Many people who feel ashamed will not let you talk them out of it.  It is very important to meet the person where they are energetically and emotionally, and let them feel this conviction that they are no good, their "truth" before neutralizing it with EFT.

Start on the karate chop point:

EYEBROW:  I’m no good and I know it.

SIDE OF EYE: Everyone knows this.

UNDER EYE: They can see it in me.

NOSE: I show it on my face and in my words.

CHIN: I’m not worth the attention.

COLLARBONE: I don’t deserve attention.

UNDER ARM: I feel ashamed because I am "less than."

HEAD: I am not worthy in any way.

EYEBROW:  What if they were wrong?

SIDE OF EYE: I think they were right.

UNDER EYE: My own parents treated me poorly.

NOSE: It must have been me.

CHIN: It’s because I’m not good enough.

COLLARBONE: I’ve always been inferior.

UNDER ARM: I’ve always been inadequate.

HEAD: It’s not a feeling, it’s the truth.

Start on the karate chop point:

EYEBROW:  I’m not acceptable.

SIDE OF EYE: I’ll never fit in.

UNDER EYE: I’m never enough.

NOSE: I don’t belong here.

CHIN: It’s true – I’m not lovable.

COLLARBONE: I’m not enough.

UNDER ARM: I don’t fit in.

HEAD: I am defective.

EYEBROW:  I feel accepting that I’m not acceptable.

SIDE OF EYE: I choose to feel acceptable.

UNDER EYE: I feel valuable.

NOSE: No I don’t.

CHIN: I am valuable.

COLLARBONE: I am worth being valued.

UNDER ARM: I am enough.

HEAD: I accept who I am.

Karate chop point: Even though he told me I was "a nobody" and I believed him, I accept who I am anyway…Even though I thought he was right all along, I accept the possibility that he was wrong…Even though he said I was "rotten to the core" I accept that there might be some good in me.

EYEBROW:  I’m rotten to the core.

SIDE OF EYE: I’ll never be enough.

UNDER EYE: I’m never going to get over this.

NOSE: I know I’m no good.

CHIN: I assume he was right.

COLLARBONE: I have always been "a nobody" just like he said.

UNDER ARM: I don’t have any value.

HEAD: I’m not worthy of success.

EYEBROW:  What if I could get over this feeling?

SIDE OF EYE: But it’s who I am.

UNDER EYE: What if he was wrong?

NOSE: Maybe I do have value.

CHIN: What if I’ve had value all along?

COLLARBONE: I am worth as much as you are.

UNDER ARM: I am enough.

HEAD: I accept who I am.

The Law of Attraction works beautifully and systematically.  But when your negative feelings about your worth and what you’ve done in the past are so loud, the universe can’t hear (and therefore can’t deliver) your desires!

EFT Master